just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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