Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
