She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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