So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
