I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
