Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
