Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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