I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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