So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
