soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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