I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
