My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
