why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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