Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
