Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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