I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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