Well apparently he's into motor boating.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
