did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
