Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
