He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
