Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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