Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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