wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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