If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
