My room smells like vodka and shame
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Less talking, more tequila
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
