I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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