yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
