you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
