my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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