Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
