So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
did i walk over a car last night?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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