This dress was meant to end up on your floor
its not stalking. its research.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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