I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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