Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
