Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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