Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
