i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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