i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
