My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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