please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
