My entire life is one complicated drinking game
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
