we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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