I wannas sexs uuuuu
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Randomize
