I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize