Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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