i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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