when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
