I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
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you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
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i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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