You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
