I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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