I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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