I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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