Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
