it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
