you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
