what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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