Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
