Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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