toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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