no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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