his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my shit smells like andre
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
