End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
