He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
