she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
