Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
