she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
