About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
