I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We are all done wearing pants today
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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